As a kid, I wanted to be
a priest. I knew the costume,
had seen men add layer
upon layer of holiness.
I knew the sacristy,
the drawers of clothing
& cabinets of gold &
wine. A bell struck.
All rose. He walked.
All waited on him.
He had it all.
The title, the pulpit.
I never imagined myself
at fifty, feeling young,
feeling uncertain, feeling
like anything less than
a leader, a voice behind
a screen offering forgiveness.
Holiness, I hope, is
everywhere. Sin, I've learned,
is nothing to be
ashamed of unless it's
cowardice. Enter the space.
Listen. Speak.
Powerful ending. I like how we both drew from our Cathlic upbringing. Yours different as I never dream of being a priest! Though I don’t practice in this community now, I do find my ritual reflections help ground me. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! it turns out, as an English teacher, I’m still in community, with beautiful words, and the opportunity to grow in wisdom & grace with people 🙂
As someone from a different ecclesial background, but someone who pursued/had a career in Christian ministry for over a decade (in the past now), your looking back on your youthful perspective was especially evocative. Poetry is a great avenue for this and your words, chosen carefully, take us through time, giving us glimpses of your process.
I resonated, at 42, with the feeling of surprise almost at feeling young and also the age I am now! You said it well.
Thanks, Tim, for your kind words. I’ve been really blown away by Christian Wiman & Spencer Reece, both of whom write poetry centered in a contemplative & complex personal faith
Your poem reminds us of the fact of realizing that adults are uncertain and not what we thought of them. Yet you retain the love of holiness and your statement that cowardice the biggest sin is intriguing.
Wow. What struck me so deeply about your poem is the way it moves from power and admiration to a call for openness and humility. And I agree with the other commenters. Despite the way the tone changes, you bring an appreciation, a reverence for the sacred. Beatiful.
Thank you, Lainie–I’m so glad that my reverence came through because it’s still there. Not just in my own faith tradition but also in my wife’s Jewish family traditions : )
middleagedmiddlechild. 
12 responses to “as it was in the beginning.”
Powerful ending. I like how we both drew from our Cathlic upbringing. Yours different as I never dream of being a priest! Though I don’t practice in this community now, I do find my ritual reflections help ground me. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you! it turns out, as an English teacher, I’m still in community, with beautiful words, and the opportunity to grow in wisdom & grace with people 🙂
LikeLike
As someone from a different ecclesial background, but someone who pursued/had a career in Christian ministry for over a decade (in the past now), your looking back on your youthful perspective was especially evocative. Poetry is a great avenue for this and your words, chosen carefully, take us through time, giving us glimpses of your process.
I resonated, at 42, with the feeling of surprise almost at feeling young and also the age I am now! You said it well.
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Thanks, Tim, for your kind words. I’ve been really blown away by Christian Wiman & Spencer Reece, both of whom write poetry centered in a contemplative & complex personal faith
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Your sensory imagery evokes a powerful tone in this piece. It leaves me feeling reflective.
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Thank you, Amy! The mass, the ritual, the art, the music — it’s a full sensory experience : )
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Your poem reminds us of the fact of realizing that adults are uncertain and not what we thought of them. Yet you retain the love of holiness and your statement that cowardice the biggest sin is intriguing.
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Thanks, I don’t know where that cowardice idea came from. I had a hard pause at the line break before it — had to return to the idea / next line later
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Wow. What struck me so deeply about your poem is the way it moves from power and admiration to a call for openness and humility. And I agree with the other commenters. Despite the way the tone changes, you bring an appreciation, a reverence for the sacred. Beatiful.
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Thank you, Lainie–I’m so glad that my reverence came through because it’s still there. Not just in my own faith tradition but also in my wife’s Jewish family traditions : )
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This poem took me on a journey, thanks for letting your readers join the steps.
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Appreciate you!
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