When you’re young, you find inspiration in anyone who’s ever gone & opened up a closing door. A door shutting you out of authority or freedom, fun or prestige. A door, you imagine, that closes on important decisions related to you alone. So you relish that moment of an opening even if you don’t know what you’ll do there, even if you’re not ready to step in.

Sometimes, you’re better off in your part of the house, knowing (or discovering when it’s time) that the doors of your life are many, are wide, that they’ll open soon enough, perhaps even after you’re ready. You won’t even need to knock.

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When you’re young, you laugh easily, loudly, sometimes at exactly the wrong moment. You feel the flush come over your ears, the tears come to your eyes. If you’re with friends, you might even get hit–the line you crossed comes at a cost, comes with a short sharp correction or recognition.

Sometimes you’re better off making sure the joke is goofy, that it’s not just a celebration of you, your cleverness. Sometimes you’re the life of the party by force. It’s okay to listen, to be kind, to be curious. You can settle for smiles instead.

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When you’re young, candy is a reward. It’s surprisingly big. A Snickers bar is the length of a child’s forearm. A limb of chocolate. You savor & you save. The house has a drawer of sweets if you’re lucky. My house has a shocking amount of candy. Way more than I grew up with.

Sometimes you’re better off sharing it, a cake that the family slices, a gallon of ice cream that everyone scoops. There’s nourishment in this.

***

When you’re young, you put names & decorations on things. Your sheets & your pajamas, your curtains & luggage, your breakfast food & plates are adorned with cartoons & color. The process of aging is a narrowing of the imagination & the palette. You become more subtle, more calm, more quiet in the colors of your life, to the greying of your hair, your face, and the final greying which is permanent.

Sometimes you’re better off seeing through the lens of youth. Possibilities & joys open up. There’s probably even a part deep within your eye, cones & rods, there’s probably even a part deep within your mind, neurons on notice, that (re)awakens with color, with each color, with cacophonies of color. All in one place, all shimmering rainbow rainbow rainbow.